March 23,  2018

2nd Scan Results


The good news:  Your cancer is smaller and there are increased areas of concern.  You’ve come a long way, and so we are going to say this is great news!


No part of me found the news today good.  There is still cancer inside of my body.  I still feel like shit.  I don’t even want to talk to anyone about it, because, I can’t see the positive today.  What is the positive in having a cancer diagnosis?  That you may get rid of it?  My family and I get to live a “normal” life when and if this is all over?

This illness has wrecked my identity and my life.  It has stolen years, and time.  Maybe in hindsight, I will feel differently, now I am just mad.  I am mad that my body is sick.  A body that is working so hard for me, trying so hard to push through.

It is hard to look at my kids today.  I feel like I am failing them.  My wife has been at the bar for the last six hours because that’s all she could think to do to deal with herself at this moment.  I am failing her too.  We are all scared and running when I think we need to stand up and stand our ground together.

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