March 23, 2018
2nd Scan Results
The good news: Your cancer is smaller and there are increased areas of concern. You’ve come a long way, and so we are going to say this is great news!
No part of me found the news today good. There is still cancer inside of my body. I still feel like shit. I don’t even want to talk to anyone about it, because, I can’t see the positive today. What is the positive in having a cancer diagnosis? That you may get rid of it? My family and I get to live a “normal” life when and if this is all over?
This illness has wrecked my identity and my life. It has stolen years, and time. Maybe in hindsight, I will feel differently, now I am just mad. I am mad that my body is sick. A body that is working so hard for me, trying so hard to push through.
It is hard to look at my kids today. I feel like I am failing them. My wife has been at the bar for the last six hours because that’s all she could think to do to deal with herself at this moment. I am failing her too. We are all scared and running when I think we need to stand up and stand our ground together.