March 23,  2018

2nd Scan Results

 

The good news:  Your cancer is smaller and there are increased areas of concern.  You’ve come a long way, and so we are going to say this is great news!

What?!

No part of me found the news today good.  There is still cancer inside of my body.  I still feel like shit.  I don’t even want to talk to anyone about it, because, I can’t see the positive today.  What is the positive in having a cancer diagnosis?  That you may get rid of it?  My family and I get to live a “normal” life when and if this is all over?

This illness has wrecked my identity and my life.  It has stolen years, and time.  Maybe in hindsight, I will feel differently, now I am just mad.  I am mad that my body is sick.  A body that is working so hard for me, trying so hard to push through.

It is hard to look at my kids today.  I feel like I am failing them.  My wife has been at the bar for the last six hours because that’s all she could think to do to deal with herself at this moment.  I am failing her too.  We are all scared and running when I think we need to stand up and stand our ground together.

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